
To go to the church, or not? That is the question.
And it wasn’t until that moment it struck me. It’s today. A tear rolled down my face. Discreetly wiping it away, I tried to compose myself. I take a deep breath. I couldn’t believe in a matter of hours he would be standing before me, and I was going to share one of the biggest, happiest moments of his life, with him.
The house was alive and buzzing with energy. As I tried to escape the world of frenzy outside my door, peacefully sat in the safety of my room, I could hear everyone frantically dashing to and from the bathroom. I don’t really understand why weddings cause such hysteria for other people, it’s not like they’re the ones actually getting married.
I stare at the gorgeous, designer dress hanging from my wardrobe. It’s beautiful. No, it’s perfect. The butterflies are back, and this time so strong, my belly is tingling intensely. There’s a knock at my door.
“Oh, Kate! Why on earth haven’t you started getting ready yet? We have to leave for the church in two hours! I don’t think Adam will appreciate you being late, today of all days, even if he is used to waiting around for you to get ready!”
“Urrgh, I’ve got plenty of time, Mum! I’m not going to be late. I’ve already had a shower, and I’m about to do my hair. Stop fussing! I’m not a kid anymore; I’m twenty-six years old!”
I do love my mum, but there are times when she really does not help the situation. It’s like she’s on a mission to stress me out; this being a prime example of one of those times.
“Ok, well, are you sure you don’t want Lucy to do your hair? I can ask her when she comes? Oh! Did you ring Aunt Sal to make sure she knows that Johnny is taking her with your brother?”
“No, I don’t want Lucy to do anything, and yes, she does know, I’m not completely useless you know! Now, can you leave me to get ready please, so I do actually make it on time?”
I stand in front of the mirror, dress on, hair done, with my reflection staring back at me. I feel so glamorous, and I’ve got to admit, chocolate coloured hair really does suit me after all. You’d think I would be so happy on a day like this, but I’m not. I’m just a giant ball of anxiousness and confusion. Am I doing the right thing? Have I made the right decision? Oh, I don’t know. 14 years I’ve known Adam, I can’t let him down now. I can’t, not show up, he’ll never forgive me. I think I need some air.
Before I know it, I’m out the front door. I haven’t got a clue where I’m heading. I can hear my brother Tom calling me, but I keep going, trying my best not to trip up while I totter up the road in my heels. I just want to get away. I need to sort my head out.
My feet are on autopilot. I keep pounding the pavement, houses and people dashing past be, until I suddenly stop. I look up. The massive sign above my head stretches across the arched gates, it reads, ‘Welcome to St. Luke’s park’.
It’s been ages since I have been here, years. I’m sitting on our bench. This is the first time Adam is not there next to me. The smell of the freshly cut grass brings back a kind of nostalgia; all the summer evenings we spent as teenagers, gossiping and just aimlessly losing track of time, until it was dark and we started to go numb with the night air. Oh how I missed the good, old, simple days.
Adam has been there through everything, all the good times, and the many bad. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as lost as I did when we had fallen out, back in college. I remember like it was yesterday. We didn’t speak for a month. I just felt numb inside, couldn’t eat. I thought I’d lost him forever. But it would seem nothing can scare him off. I’ll never forget the look on his face when I showed up on his birthday. He ran straight over, picked me up and spun me around in the air. It was like everyone else had disappeared, it was just us. The butterflies clenched my stomach so tight I thought I’d stop breathing. That’s when I knew he was special and I wanted to keep him in my life. I know I can depend on him to be there for me no matter what. He would never let me down. He is my best friend and I love him. But it’s not that easy.
My phone rings, jolting me back to reality. It’s Mum. I reject it.
“Oh gosh!” Realising I have probably been sitting here a while, I suddenly look at my watch. What am I going to do? Do I go to the church or not? Oh, what am I talking about, I have to go, I have to be there.
“BEEP BEEP BEEP” Urghh my phone, again. It’s a text. Mum, again. ‘Where are you? The cars are here, we’re leaving without you, see you there. Please don’t let Adam down.’
A stroke of realisation rushes through my head. Desperate, I rip my shoes off and run bare foot through the concrete jungle of my town and back towards my house, the wind is ripping through my hair frantically, but I don’t care. People are jumping out my way, staring at me; I have to make it to the church. I have to make it to Adam. I jump in my car, no second thoughts.
“Ah” I sigh in relief as I approach the church. People are still standing outside. I hurriedly walk across the grass, towards the crowds of people. Well, I say walk, but I can imagine it being more of a rushed waddle over the uneven ground. I can’t see Adam.
“Where is he?” I squeeze through the crowds all in a fluster, this way and that. People are smiling and saying hello. I see many familiar faces, but not the one I want to see most.
“Adam! Adam!” I spot him about to walk in and struggle through the people, apologising as I go. He turns around, with the biggest smile on his face. He looks amazing, so smart and gorgeous. My heart beat is fluttering like mad. He gives me a massive, bear hug. His hugs are always the best. I don’t want to let him go.
“I didn’t think you were going to come when you’re mum said you went missing! Where the hell did you go? You look amazing.” He looks so relieved to see me.
“I just needed some head space, to think, listen; I need to tell you something, it’s important…” It’s now or never. I need to tell him. But his attention is taken. He didn’t hear me. I follow the direction of his beautiful blue eyes. My heart sinks. Aimee has arrived, the bride, the future Mrs. Thompson.
I turn and look at his face, I can see his eyes have welled up, there is no denying she looks beautiful. But it’s more than that; it’s the look of truly being madly and deeply in love. The way I always secretly wished Adam would one day look at me.
Everyone took their seats, and I sat, my heart completely shattered into bits. A tear rolled down my face, as I watched my best friend, the man I loved for 14 years, say “I do”, to someone else.